OBAMA DISAVOWS, DIVESTS AND DISASSOCIATES

WASHINGTON, D.C. June 4…Barack Obama’s presidential campaign has been haunted by that old joke–with friends like this who needs enemies?

While he is on the hustings trying to get his message across, old pals keep popping up, loyal supporters who were useful once, but have now become serious liabilities.

“It seems like every day we have to throw another guy off the bandwagon,” an aide complains.

It began with Chicago real estate developer Tony Rezco. On the lookout for politicians to co opt Rezco spotted Obama as an up-and-comer in 1990. He contributed to his campaign for Illinois State Senate and then held a fundraiser at his Wilmette estate during which he collected $168,300 for Obama’s successful US Senate run. Later, while Rezco was under indictment for money laundering, his wife bought a piece of land for $625,000 and sold it back to Obama for $104,500.

Obama called that transaction a “bonehead move” because it might give the impression that Rezco had bribed him. He has since given Rezco’s contributions to charity.

But his friendships have continued to dog him.

Ted Kennedy gave him a ringing endorsement during the Massachusetts primary–he lost.

The heads of the Las Vegas hotel unions came out unanimously for him–he lost the Nevada primary.

Senator Robert Casey, of Pennsylvania spoke eloquently on his behalf–Clinton beat him by a ten points.

New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson abandoned his longtime allies the Clintons to pledge his support–Obama lost a close one in New Mexico.

Aides say Obama has been kept too busy disassociating himself from his most fervent backers to push his own agenda.”We keep having to distance ourselves from other people’s positions.”

For example:

Former President Jimmy Carter antagonized Jewish voters by calling Israel, an “apartheid state,” and then traveling to Damascus for meetings with Hamas leaders. Obama reiterated that he is “a strong supporter of our strong ally Israel,” and condemned Hamas as a terrorist group. And nudged Carter out of his inner circle.

Foreign policy adviser Samantha Power called Hillary Clinton a “monster.” Obama who had said that Clinton was “likable enough,” declared that she was not a monster and Power resigned.

Middle-East expert Robert Malley admitted having secret meetings with Hamas and resigned.

Economic counselor Austin Goolsbee was revealed to have reassured Canadians that Obama wasn’t sincere in his criticism of the NAFTA agreement ; he just said it to get the union vote in Ohio. Goolsbee has since been relegated to an informal role.

After the Jeremiah Wright and Michael Pfleger debacles, the Obama campaign acted quickly.

“We resigned from Trinity,” the aide said. “It was a painful split, but it had to be done. We couldn’t wait for some other lunatic to mount the pulpit and cause us more trouble.”

Last week Obama got an unexpected vote of confidence from President Bush’s former Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

“Obama intrigues me,” McClellan said in an interview. “I might vote for him.”

“McClellan has a right to vote for anyone he wants,” the aide fumed. “But we did not solicit his support.”

Now, that they have the nomination the Obama campaign has to be more careful about potential problem endorsements. At Washington headquarters, an intern fielded calls from prospective supporters.

“Lindsay Lohan, line 1,” she called.

“Call back,:” the aide answered.

“Eliot Spitzer, line 2…”

“In a meeting.”

“Hugo Chavez, line 3.”

The aide reddened and turned to a reporter. “See what I mean?” And called to the intern: “Out to lunch.”

“O.J. Simpson, line 4″

The aide threw up his hands. “Gone for the day.”
“Fax from Charles Manson.”

“I’m outta here,” the aide said. He put on his jacket. “Tell him Obama just conceded to McCain.”