Monthly Archive for February, 2008


Feb. 9….A substitute teacher who lured male students to her home by offering to ghostwrite their term papers, fed them spaghetti and meatballs and Guiness Stout in her overheated kitchen and , when they were in a stupefied state, took them to her finished basement and performed oral sex on them, was sentenced to ten years in prison today for kidnapping, sodomy and incitement to plagiarism.

Arabella Sonnenschein, 46, a buxom brunette divorcee, was brought into the courtroom manacled and shackled. She stood impassive as sentence was pronounced, but broke into tears as the families of the victims came forward denounce her.

“You took my little boy’s innocence away forever,” one mother shouted.

The victims, well groomed and with clear complexions, sat in the front row. At one point the defendant turned to them.

“I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong,” she sobbed. “I’m a sick woman.”

The families were alerted when their sons began taking shorter showers. Their suspicions flared when the boys’ marks improved. After intensive interrogation by the school’s deprogramming staff the boys broke down.

“She put a spell on me,” one of the boys admitted. “I kept going back there, even when I didn’t have homework.”

“I think she put something in the meatballs,” another boy said.

Miss Sonnenschein will serve her term in the isolation unit of Woman’s Prison to protect her from the other inmates, murderers and drug dealers who have declared war on “sexual predators.”