DAILY EVENT
DOGS IN THE NEWS
FOOTIES FOR FRITZIE
GERMAN POLICE DOGS TO WEAR SHOES
Düsseldorf, Germany, Mar. 24… Police dogs in this western city will now be able to patrol in comfort. The entire canine unit will be equipped with blue plastic shoes, a police spokesman said today.
This program was initiated after a number of German Shepherds slipped in blood and stepped on broken beer bottles in Düsseldorf’s historic old town where drunken brawls are a nightly occurrence. The broken glass lodged in their paws, but a greater danger came from the transmission of STDs from contaminated blood, the spokesman said.
“Many of our dogs contracted Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, herpes and genital warts from contact with the bodily fluids of the human vermin in our foreign quarters. Now their pure Aryan feet will be protected.”
The shoes come in small, medium and large and were ordered in blue to match the officer’ uniforms.
Former SS officer, Werner von Stumpf, 89, watched approvingly as the newly shod dogs were put through their paces in training exercises.
“We could have used these booties in Auschwitz,” he said. “Our Dobermans suffered terribly during the winter.”
JAPAN’S NEWEST ZEN MASTER HAS FOUR FEET
Naha, Japan, Mar. 24…Monks at the Shuri Kannondo Buddhist temple welcomed their newest novice today—a 1 ½ year old black and Chihuahua named Conan.
Conan attends prayers every day with his master, priest Joel Yoshikuni. He has been trained to go through the motions of meditation, sitting up on his hind legs and putting his paws together.
“Word has spread and we are getting a lot more tourists,” Yoshikuni said.
The monks are hoping to cross Conan’s legs in the lotus position in time for the Cherry Blossom Festival.
In addition to teaching Conan, the monks feel they have learned a lot from observing him.
“A dog will eat everything, relieve itself anywhere, have sex with anything from another dog, a man or woman’s leg to a stool or a hole in the ground, but also has the flexibility to gratify itself in the search for enlightenment,” Zen master Shitzutani said. “Dogs are truly Zen.”
