Tag Archive for 'Hillary clinton'

OBAMA’S CABINET WILL NOT LAST, SAY CHINESE

BEIJING, China,…Dec. 9 A top-secret report prepared for China’s Ministry of State Security (MSS) predicts that none of President-elect Obama’s appointees will be in office at the end of his first term.

They are all qiao zong huo fan,” the anonymous author says, using the Chinese term for bridge burners. “They will depart, leaving flames in their wake.”

The report, which was leaked to the Daily Event by officials who prefer to be nameless out of fear of summary execution, analyzed bios and interviews to compile a profile of the typical appointee.

“He or she is addicted to conquest,” the report says.” But once success has been achieved becomes bored and either moves on or self-destructs.”

The author sees Obama’s cabinet as a “snake pit of militant egos,” Three appointees sought the presidential nomination–Clinton, Richardson and Daschle. “Clinton feels great bitterness toward Richardson and Daschle for rejecting her to support Obama. She regards Richardson as an apostate who turned on her after all she and her husband had done for him.

“Richardson for his part, feels that he has not been rewarded for courageously spurning Clinton to support Obama in the early days before the outcome was clear. Every cabinet meeting will sting like a slap in the face as he sees Clinton sitting on the president’s right hand in the job he coveted.”

“Clinton and Richardson will make a public show of working together, but will intrigue against each other in private.”

Daschle, was humiliated by his defeat in 2006 when Democrats were sweeping into office everywhere else. The report says that he he must engineer a major health care initiative to restore his political viability and predicts that his possible opponents in 2016 will try to block him at every turn.

“Competitive people do not give up their dreams,” the author says. “The three who lost still aspire to ultimate power. Secretly they will wish Obama to fail.”

The report predicts that the early days of the new administration will be rife with conflict and controversy. “Each cabinet officer will be given daunting tasks that they will be unable to perform.”

As Secretary of State Clinton will be charged with persuading the Europeans to contribute more troops and money to the War on Terror.

“This they will not do.”

Iran will not swayed from its nuclear path, the report says. “Clinton will try to ignore the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, but a series of attacks and retaliations will force her to engage…and fail.”

The exit from Iraq will be messy. “American troops will fight bloody rear guard actions designed to extract the utmost humiliation.”

Wary of appearing weak Obama will not remove the missile shield in Eastern Europe and Clinton will try to mollify the Russians into accepting it.

“This she will not do,” the report says.

Defense Secretary Gates is a possible Republican contender. He will be looking for a way to maximize his credit while subtly detracting from his possible opponent in 2012. Sensing this, Clinton will try to minimize his influence. “There will be much backstage plotting,” the report predicts..

“After the last American soldier has left, Gates will resign…”

Clinton and new Treasure Secretary Geithner will try to get the Chinese to open their financial markets and let the yuan appreciate.

“This of course, we will not do,” the report says. It concludes that Clinton’s tenure will be dogged by one failure after another that, fearing for her place in history, she will have to find a way to escape. A seat on the Supreme Court might provide a graceful exit.

Attorney-General designee Eric Holder has been chosen to “prevent revenge prosecutions,” the report says. “The left wing of the party will want to indict Cheney and Rumsfeld. It will seek prosecution of high level financial donors. Obama does not want to alienate Republicans by going after Bush war criminals. Holder will hold the fort for Obama’s wealthy patrons as long as he can. He will suffer a great loss of public prestige and will return to his lucrative law practice.”

As Commerce Secretary Richardson will have to create business opportunities in a depressed global economy.

“This he will not do,” he says. “He will be diminished politically.”

Treasury Secretary Geithner will try to find a way to keep taxes and inflation down while Government expenditures soar into the trillions.

“This no one could do.”

Lawrence Summers, Obama’s top economic adviser is “a brilliant careerist, but not an original thinker,” the report says. “Faced by a real unemployment rate of 15% he will be unable to innovate. Watching his fabled reputation wither as the economy languishes he will focus on the job he really wants—Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Current chairman Bernanke, weakened by the crisis, will be easy to topple. Summers will have a job that confers the maximum of prestige with the minimum of thought.”

The report expresses puzzlement that Obama has not chosen loyalists, but “competitive individuals with deep personal agendas.” It asks: “does this show that he is a naive bungler? Or is he brilliantly creating scapegoats for the failures he knows will come?”

It says a deeper analysis of Obama can be delayed in the short term. Given the turmoil in the US, China’s future is not threatened.

“If we control dissent, stifle protests among migrant workers and farmers and keep the yuan artificially low we will continue to prosper. The US will not stop us.”

CANDIDATE DEPLORES “SYSTEMATIC GENDEROCIDE”

ST. PAUL, Minn., Sept. 5…Inside the Denver Pepsi Center two weeks ago Hillary Clinton was congratulating women on the progress they’ve made in the last eighty years. But outside, Leah Schildkraut was on a hunger strike in front of the heavily guarded doors of to protest what she called the “Democratic party’s willful neglect of the dire plight of women around the world.”

While Hillary was celebrating the fact that “my mother was born before women had the vote, but in this election my daughter got to vote for her mother for President,” Schildkraut, candidate of the Anarcho-Feminist party, was handing out leaflets detailing what she called: “the systematic genderocide of young, poor, vulnerable women throughout the world.”

As delegates and media types rushed by, heads down, focused on their iPhones and Blackberries, Schildkraut stood behind a rickety bridge table brandishing a copy of the Democratic Party Platform.

“The Democratic Party is the last best hope of women all over the world,” she said. “But aside from a ritual affirmation of Roe v. Wade and a promise to expand microcredit to women in the developing world, there is no commitment to end the campaign of intimidation and extermination being waged against them.”

Schildkraut was part of a heavily vetted group of bloggers, activists and ordinary citizens, who were denied access to the convention floor and had set up their banners and tables outside.

In the crowd was Efraim Durg, candidate of the Gambler’s Rights Party, who was advocating legalized marijuana and a “casino on every corner” as a cure for America’s  ills. He listened with amusement as Schildkraut preached to the indifferent crowd.

“Millions of women have been victimized by sex traffickers,” she said. “Whole villages in Moldavia and Dniestra have been emptied of young women sent to the brothels in Western Europe…”

“Forget it,” Durg said.

Schildkraut ignored him. “In the Baluchistan province of Pakistan five women were killed for daring to try to choose their own husbands,” she said. “The women were thrown into a ditch, shot and buried alive. When two older women tried to intercede they were killed as well. A Baluchistan senator, Israr Ullah Zehri, said the killings were ‘part of our tradition,’ and ‘should not be highlighted negatively.’”

“Nobody cares,” Durg said.

Schildkraut persisted. “In Beirut, considered a civilized city, female domestic servants are imprisoned in the houses of their employers. The women are so desperate that they jump from high floors, some in a futile quest for freedom, others who prefer suicide to servitude, while others possibly murdered by abusive employers. This year Beirut is averaging twenty-seven deaths of foreign domestic servants by defenestration a month.”

Durg smirked. “News flash! Powerless people have no power. Film at eleven.”

Last week at St. Paul’s Xcel Energy Center, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin took the podium to bask in her historic moment as the first female Vice Presidential nominee of the Republican party.

“Hillary left 18 million cracks in that glass ceiling. But the women of America are going to shatter that glass ceiling once and for all,” she said to thunderous applause.

Meanwhile, outside behind police barricades, Schikdkraut, weakened by her fast, was exhorting the hostile female delegates. “This isn’t about one women being nominated for cynical political reasons.”

A squad of St. Paul police in riot gear moved in.

“Better be cool,” Durg warned. “These are Republicans…”

But Schildkraut had gotten the attention of one grandmotherly type and was reading from the Republican platform.

“We support the advancement of women in the military… We promise to work with women considering abortion to enable and empower them to choose life. That’s it,” she said. “There is no recognition of the oppression of women in the developing world.”

“Because it’s not happening, dear,” the grandmother said.

Schildkraut handed her a clipping from the Financial Times. “Women in Afghanistan are burning themselves to death to avoid forced marriages or persecution by family members. Iranian movies advocate self-immolation as a way out…”

The grandmother shook her head. “You shouldn’t make up stories like that.”

“It’s in the newspaper,” Schildkraut said.

Something in her fierce gesture made the police think she was inciting a riot.  They knocked over her table, threw her leaflets away. “On the ground,” a Sergeant shouted.

“You men are husbands, fathers,” Schildkraut pleaded.

“Don’t you feel any empathy…”

Her legs buckled.

A cop jerked her to her feet.

Durg rushed to her defense.

“Hey guys, be careful. She hasn’t eaten for nine days.”

A cop whacked him in the back of the knee with his metal baton and smashed him in the shoulder as he was going down.

As they were strapping Schildkraut onto a gurney a red-faced cop leaned down and shouted:

“When a crack whore slashed me with a broken bottle who was protecting my rights?”

Schildkraut closed her eyes, too weak to reply.