Tag Archive for 'President Obama'

IS GENERAL PETRAEUS A MUSLIM?

Igor Yopsvoyomatsky, Editor-In-Chief of ParanoiaIsFact.com
answers readers’ questions

Dear Igor,

I live two exits down Interstate 75 from Gainesville, Florida where that pastor says he’s going to burn the Koran. I don’t mind telling you I’m afraid for my life. My cousin Fred says the Muslims will declare southern Florida Dar al Harb, House of War, and will call the faithful to jihad against us. Fred says that General Petraeus over in Kabul gave the secret signal when he said the Koran burning would cause more troops to lose their lives. Fred says Petraeus is a Muslim agent who sends our boys into ambushes with orders not to shoot back. He says I better haul ass before the suicide bombings start. Is this paranoia or fact?

Petrified,

Culo Raton, Florida.

Dear Petrified,

This is paranoia. The only jihad here is being waged by the mass media–and your Cousin Fred– against your mind.

Let’s look at the facts: An obscure pastor from an unaffiliated fundamentalist church, which claims 50 congregants, announces “Burn a Koran Day.” Does this call resonate? Not yet. As of Tuesday, after weeks of torrential coverage, Reverend Terry Jones had 8,663 friends on Facebook. Lady Gaga has over fourteen million.

Reverend Jones puts up signs on his balding lawn reading “Islam Is The Devil.” Do similar signs sprout up? No. Gainesville is preoccupied with its Downtown Arts Show; the town is buzzing about the start of the Florida Gators football season.

But does this non-event fizzle out? Does Pastor Jones give his party and nobody comes? No again. The ice cream Jesus may be melting in his backyard, but people are lining up in the alternate universe anxious for an invite. Everybody–from the Taliban to President Obama–wants to dance with this new star.

We live in an inverted era. In the past people made the news. Now news makes the people. Never mind that nothing is actually happening. The monomaniacs who have seized power over our lives see this as another opportunity to burnish their tarnished images–flog their flagging agendas.

So New York Mayor Bloomberg, trounced for his ringing support of the Ground Zero Mosque, now acknowledges Jones’s “Constitutional right” to burn the Koran. The man who thwarted free speech by outspending or simply bribing anyone who might oppose him now presents himself as a defender of the First Amendment.

President Obama, who dilutes the power of the Presidency with every quixotic attempt to assert it now urges Reverend Jones to listen to his “good angels.” Does he really think the good Reverend will pay heed to the son of a Muslim?

From his fastness in Kabul General David Petraeus warns the Koran burning will put American lives in jeopardy. Petraeus, the pushup champion of the Pentagon, is celebrated for his counter-insurgency doctrine of “nation-building.” He coined the dictum, “money is ammunition,” and advocates the use of discretionary funds to win the confidence of the indigenous population. In other words, bribe them into not shooting at us.

In the mysterious process of military advancement Petraeus achieved the rank of Major General and commanded the fabled 101st. airborne without ever seeing combat. He is credited with stabilizing the Iraqi city of Mosul, although the majority Kurdish population were strongly pro-American and it took several prolonged operations by Infantry brigades to kill and capture insurgents. Since taking over command in Afghanistan from General Stanley McChrystal, who won the sack race three years in a row at the Joint Chiefs of Staff Potomac Picnic, he has emphasized the need to minimize civilian casualties; although without uniforms everyone is officially a civilian. His Rules of Engagement require troops to identify targets as “combatants” before firing. In other words, eliminate the element of surprise or force protection in combat operations.

The Petraeus Doctrine doesn’t work in Afghanistan. The Taliban are incorruptible, which in the Middle East means they make more money shaking down opium smugglers than the American taxpayer can give them. So Petraeus is looking for someone to blame. First, he tried the Israelis, saying their intransigence, was turning the Muslim world against the US. But when nobody saluted he ran that down the flagpole. Now he has decided to blame an eccentric with no popular support.

On second thought, maybe you should start packing. With all the hysteria that our responsible leaders and our free press have whipped up, Terry Jones might end up with as many friends as Lady Gaga. And then you can bet somebody will decide to do something crazy.

Stay safe,

Igor

 

OBAMA’S CABINET WILL NOT LAST, SAY CHINESE

BEIJING, China,…Dec. 9 A top-secret report prepared for China’s Ministry of State Security (MSS) predicts that none of President-elect Obama’s appointees will be in office at the end of his first term.

They are all qiao zong huo fan,” the anonymous author says, using the Chinese term for bridge burners. “They will depart, leaving flames in their wake.”

The report, which was leaked to the Daily Event by officials who prefer to be nameless out of fear of summary execution, analyzed bios and interviews to compile a profile of the typical appointee.

“He or she is addicted to conquest,” the report says.” But once success has been achieved becomes bored and either moves on or self-destructs.”

The author sees Obama’s cabinet as a “snake pit of militant egos,” Three appointees sought the presidential nomination–Clinton, Richardson and Daschle. “Clinton feels great bitterness toward Richardson and Daschle for rejecting her to support Obama. She regards Richardson as an apostate who turned on her after all she and her husband had done for him.

“Richardson for his part, feels that he has not been rewarded for courageously spurning Clinton to support Obama in the early days before the outcome was clear. Every cabinet meeting will sting like a slap in the face as he sees Clinton sitting on the president’s right hand in the job he coveted.”

“Clinton and Richardson will make a public show of working together, but will intrigue against each other in private.”

Daschle, was humiliated by his defeat in 2006 when Democrats were sweeping into office everywhere else. The report says that he he must engineer a major health care initiative to restore his political viability and predicts that his possible opponents in 2016 will try to block him at every turn.

“Competitive people do not give up their dreams,” the author says. “The three who lost still aspire to ultimate power. Secretly they will wish Obama to fail.”

The report predicts that the early days of the new administration will be rife with conflict and controversy. “Each cabinet officer will be given daunting tasks that they will be unable to perform.”

As Secretary of State Clinton will be charged with persuading the Europeans to contribute more troops and money to the War on Terror.

“This they will not do.”

Iran will not swayed from its nuclear path, the report says. “Clinton will try to ignore the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, but a series of attacks and retaliations will force her to engage…and fail.”

The exit from Iraq will be messy. “American troops will fight bloody rear guard actions designed to extract the utmost humiliation.”

Wary of appearing weak Obama will not remove the missile shield in Eastern Europe and Clinton will try to mollify the Russians into accepting it.

“This she will not do,” the report says.

Defense Secretary Gates is a possible Republican contender. He will be looking for a way to maximize his credit while subtly detracting from his possible opponent in 2012. Sensing this, Clinton will try to minimize his influence. “There will be much backstage plotting,” the report predicts..

“After the last American soldier has left, Gates will resign…”

Clinton and new Treasure Secretary Geithner will try to get the Chinese to open their financial markets and let the yuan appreciate.

“This of course, we will not do,” the report says. It concludes that Clinton’s tenure will be dogged by one failure after another that, fearing for her place in history, she will have to find a way to escape. A seat on the Supreme Court might provide a graceful exit.

Attorney-General designee Eric Holder has been chosen to “prevent revenge prosecutions,” the report says. “The left wing of the party will want to indict Cheney and Rumsfeld. It will seek prosecution of high level financial donors. Obama does not want to alienate Republicans by going after Bush war criminals. Holder will hold the fort for Obama’s wealthy patrons as long as he can. He will suffer a great loss of public prestige and will return to his lucrative law practice.”

As Commerce Secretary Richardson will have to create business opportunities in a depressed global economy.

“This he will not do,” he says. “He will be diminished politically.”

Treasury Secretary Geithner will try to find a way to keep taxes and inflation down while Government expenditures soar into the trillions.

“This no one could do.”

Lawrence Summers, Obama’s top economic adviser is “a brilliant careerist, but not an original thinker,” the report says. “Faced by a real unemployment rate of 15% he will be unable to innovate. Watching his fabled reputation wither as the economy languishes he will focus on the job he really wants—Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Current chairman Bernanke, weakened by the crisis, will be easy to topple. Summers will have a job that confers the maximum of prestige with the minimum of thought.”

The report expresses puzzlement that Obama has not chosen loyalists, but “competitive individuals with deep personal agendas.” It asks: “does this show that he is a naive bungler? Or is he brilliantly creating scapegoats for the failures he knows will come?”

It says a deeper analysis of Obama can be delayed in the short term. Given the turmoil in the US, China’s future is not threatened.

“If we control dissent, stifle protests among migrant workers and farmers and keep the yuan artificially low we will continue to prosper. The US will not stop us.”