Tag Archive for 'Hu Jintao'


GREENPOINT, Bklyn, Nov.7…Toasts and cheers resounded at Golubchik’s tavern last night as Obama euphoria kept the party floating two days after the historic election.

“To change,” people shouted, raising their glasses.

“To peace.”

This was too much for Ivan Yopsvoyomatsky, recent immigrant from Pinsk and senior scholar at the Greezhnizihd Think Tank.


Rising quickly from a stool he had occupied for two days, blood rushing to an unfamiliar location–his head–he faced the crowd with fine Slavic disdain.

“You pathetic puppets of Capitalism,” he sputtered. “Peace is when the ruling class has its foot on your neck and its hand in your pocket. Twenty-eight years with Reagan, Bush the Father, your precious Clinton and Bush, the Simple Son was peace…The Russians got rich, the Chinese richer with American corporate help and against the interests of American workers and consumers…Now that Obama has been elected get ready for total war.”

A waitress pushed a plate of piroshki across the bar. “Eat something Ivan…”

Yopsvoyomatsky sent it flying. “I haven’t finished my salad yet,” he said, dipping a cucumber in a glass of Popov vodka.

There was muttering in the cowed crowd. Finally, they pushed a young blonde in Uggies and a tight leather skirt forward for a timid challenge.

“But the world has welcomed Obama,” she said, cringing.

Yopsvoyomatsky leered and beckoned. “My dear you are victim of noble blowjob… I mean global snowjob. World leaders are quaking in their boots…”

“Bloggers in China went crazy,” someone hollered from in back. “One guy said this proved that America was a great Democracy and China was a one party oppressive dictatorship.”

Doorak,” Yopsvoyomasky boomed. “How do you think Hu Jintao felt when he read that? With China wheezing from pollution, puking from poisoned food, factories closing from financial crisis, people oppressed from internet crackdown, does he need proof that America is closest thing to real proletarian power?” He stroked the blonde under her chin. “I promise you, dooshenkya in party meetings they are talking about one thing only: how can we defeat this upstart Obama?

“But they are a great economic power, aren’t they?” the blonde asked, gaining confidence.

Yopsvoyomatsky smiled indulgently. “From slave labor, my dear. They make your underwear cheaper. Later we will see if your panties were made in Guangdong. But now you must understand that when Obama calls for tougher environmental and labor regulations they see their costs going up and their competitiveness coming down. When he promises to award tax breaks to companies that keep jobs in the US they say the dirty word: protectionism. They know that US market powers their economies. Without help from Bush and American financial interests to keep their yen low and their labor costs lower they will go broke…”

” Obama restored the American image in Europe,” a young man with a German accent said.

“You mean old, decadent, zero population growth Europe?” Yopsvoyomatsky sneered. “How many black faces in English House of Commons? Mostly flushed, overfed, flatulent whites enjoying their squeals of indignation while country’s business is done by MI6…French don’t allow headscarves in public schools…Turks are second-class citizens in Germany, even after three generations in residence. Do you think they want mixed race underclass to embrace electoral politics…?”

Several people finished their drinks and slipped out onto the rainy streets.

“Bush brought us to the brink with Russia,” a voice piped up. “They must be happy to see Obama…”

“Melancholic is closest Russians come to happy,” Yopsvoyomatsky said. “Russians follow Stalinist doctrine of probe with bayonet. Medvedev, latest in long line of metrically challenged rulers, climbs up on two Moscow phone books so he can see over lectern and makes hollow threat to put Iskander missiles in Kalingrad to counter US missile defense. Iskanders have range of 175 miles when they are working. They might land in a barnyard in Poland and kill a few chickens…”

“Russia must be dealt with,” a pale man young man said in a quavering voice said and ducked behind a pillar as Yopsvoyomatsky loomed over him.

“Russia is a gas station with a broken pump,” he roared. “A tavern with drunks snoring through frozen snot. Their market has lost 50% in value. The oligarchs, who grease their corrupt machine are broke. They have to kill a journalist a week just to stay in power…”

Sighing heavily, more people shrugged into their coats and left.

“Obama will bring peace to the Middle East,” a swarthy young man shouted angrily.

“Peace can only be made by people who are fighting each other,” Yopsvoyomatsky countered.

“People in the Middle-East have great hope for Obama.”

“Not Iranian daily Jamhou-ye Eslami,” Yopsvoyomatsky said. “They say: The most that black man can do is replace staff and change ceremony…He will never change capitalist, Zionist, racist structure of American regime.

Saudi daily Al Wotan says: There is no difference between McCain and Obama. Both mean to achieve America’s chief goal which is to rule for a hundred years…”

“But Bush favored Israel and that got us nowhere.”

“Nowhere is obviously where they want to be,” Yopsvoyomatsky said. “Jordan and Egypt do not want Palestinian theocracy funded by Iran on their borders. Lebanese do not want more power to Hezbollah allies. Anyway, Obama will be busy with economic crisis. Israelis and Palestinians will have to sit on back burner for years. They might do something sensational like a war of a terror attack to refocus the world’s attention…”

Most of the revelers had slunk away, leaving a few brooding in their cups. One man paused at the door.

“So there is no hope,” he said

“When does hope last more than a day?” Yopsvoyomatsky said. “The power of the status quo will be arrayed against Obama…Maybe he will prevail…”

He looked around the empty room with satisfaction. “Looks like the party is over,” he said to the blonde. “Want a cucumber?”


BEIJING, China, July 26…Yao Ming may be an All-Star in the US, but in China he’s just another servant of the state.

China has committed the lives and the blood of its people to proving that the Communist system is superior.

And the people better step up…Or else.

This was brought home yesterday when Chinese President Hu Jintao took time out from suppressing the protests of the families whose children had died in the earthquake, to pay an “informal” visit to the basketball training facility.

Yao, who suffered a fractured foot that kept him out of the last half of the NBA season was on the sidelines with an ice bag when Hu and his entourage swept in.

“The whole people of China have been worried about your foot,” Hu said. “How are you recovering?”

Yao leapt to his feet. “I’m okay,” he said, grimacing.

Later Hu faced the media with his photo op smile.

“All the country’s people fervently look forward to a splendid Olympics,” he declared. His smile faded, replaced by the steely-eyed look of the autocrat of all bureaucrats. “And they fervently look forward to the Chinese team achieving good results.”

Which translated means Yao better be ready for the opening tip, even if he has to run the pick and roll on crutches.

In elaborate band playing, banner waving introductory ceremonies in Beijing, Yao and star sprinter Liu Xiang faced the Chinese flag and pledged to “serve and sacrifice for the motherland.”

China is fielding the largest squad in the history of the Olympics. Its delegation numbers 1,099, among them 38 foreign coaches. The 639 athletes outnumber arch rival USA’s 596 athlete contingent.
China came in third in Athens 2004, behind Russia and the US, winning 62 medals, 32 gold. But home team advantage and an unprecedented training campaign have propelled it to favorite status in many events.

The number-obsessed Chinese delegation will tell you that over the course of history Chinese athletes have won 1317 gold medals and set 1026 world records. But China-watchers say this Olympics is about more than gold medals.

“This is a battle for history,” says political analyst Igor Yopsvoyomatsky. “It is to decide which is better–corrupt, indulgent Capitalism or disciplined, self-sacrificing Communism.”

He compares Beijing 2008 to Nuremberg 1936. “There the Nazis tried to prove their system was superior with best athletes, best facilities, best marching bands, even best-looking film maker Leni Riefenstahl. Here Chinese want to show that Communist police state is best system for producing athletic excellence, personal heroism, social tranquility, consumer ecstasy, even individual happiness.”

China was awarded the games in 1990 at a low point in its modern history. The Tiananmen Square massacre, in which Chinese troops had fired on unarmed protesters, had occurred a year before.

“It was like Chinese fable, The Emperor’s new Clothes,” Yopsvoyomatsky says. “The so-called reform movement was exposed as same Maoist police state.”

Desperate to improve its image China intrigued to get the 2008 Olympics.

“How could world award games to country that was killing and torturing its citizens?” Yopsvoyomatsky asks. “This is question to ask opaque IOC.”

Once achieved the Chinese set out to make 2008 the greatest Olympics in history.

“The Chinese are gamblers,” says Yopsvoyomatsky. “They have gone all in on this Olympics. “They have to deliver clean air, beautiful facilities, pomp and splendor, great hospitality and dramatic victories.”

But they know only one way to accomplish this goal, he says…Control.

“Control all variables. Put 100,000 police on 24-7 duty. Set up check points. Put Ughurs in jail. Put in visa restrictions. Close night clubs. Control every aspect of athlete’s lives. Punish dissenters. shut down web sites. Ruthlessly oversee their delegation.”

Yopsvoyomatsky cites the example of the caterer who mistakenly put “Peking Dog” on the Olympic menu.

“He was thrown into a pit of starving Dobermans ,” Yopsvoyomatsky says.

Now that Russia has degenerated into a “thugocracy” China carries the spear for the Revolution, Yopsvoyomatsky says.

“Hu sees himself as a servant of history. During the day he can bully Yao, but at night Karl Marx appears in his dreams, waves an ink-stained finger and says: History fervently looks forward to a Chinese victory.”